Doubt

Why is doubt such a profound thing in most lives?

Why do we think we aren't good enough? Or smart enough? Or capable? Why do we always feel the need to compare ourselves to others? Why do we look at them and automatically assume that they're better than us, that their life is 100% perfect? Why is judgment something that is so easily given?

Over the last few weeks, doubt is something that continually became more and more present in my thinking. I don't think there's a single answer for why. Often there are multiple triggers that start the ball rolling and I think that's what ended up happening. It often turns into the snowball effect. Something small gets planted and then something else gets added to it, and before you know it, you're overwhelmed by something ginormous.

I'm not saying I'm a "debbie downer". In fact, I'm usually a very happy person.

But every once in a while, I fall into one these funks. The kind of funk where you're your biggest critic.

And I can't be the only one who goes through this. I'm human. I'm not perfect. But the society we live in often tells us that perfect is the only acceptable thing to be.

I'm writing this today because everyone deserves to be reminded that they are good enough and that they don't need to compare themselves to anyone. You don't have to be perfect.

(And no, I'm not asking for personal praise here)

Everyone is on their own journey. They each started at a different time and they will each progress at different rates. Just because you're not at the same point as someone else, doesn't mean you shouldn't be excited about your own progress.

Every time you reach a milestone that you've set for yourself, no matter how big or small, it should be celebrated. If you keep reaching goals and don't ever stop to harvest the crops that you've grown, you're going to work yourself into the ground because you'll be too busy creating a living to actually live your life. - Chalene Johnson

Here's a great example...that girl has abs and you don't. What you don't know is that that girl has been working for those abs for 2 years where you've only been working towards them for a few weeks or 6 months. Why not give yourself a round of applause for accomplishing those few weeks or 6 months? It's more impressive than you're giving yourself credit for.

When we tell ourselves that we can't do it before we even try, we're automatically setting ourselves up for failure. This saying says it all...

Most of the things we "wish we had" or admire in others, are things that we can have too...as long as we're willing to work for them. By taking the time to work for them, we're telling ourselves we can!

Here's a personal example regarding this. In the last few weeks, I've really questioned my decision to become a Beachbody coach. I've seen so many other coaches soar lately and it just hasn't happened for me. I started wondering if it'd ever happen for me. But then I realized something...I wasn't doing everything I could to make it soar. I had to remember why I made the decision to become a coach in the first place. And now that I remember my why, I'm ready to work my butt off to achieve the goals I have.

A friend has recently started her fitness journey and I'm so proud of her. She started off small with the things she knew and she committed to it. As she's becoming more comfortable and confident, I see her commitment intensifying. She even joined me for a workout this past week and totally kicked butt! Her enthusiasm motivates me! She's working hard for the things she wants.

Let's look at a few more...

You wish you had that girl's wardrobe... Ok, so work hard, save up the money and then purchase a few of the items you just can't live without.

You wish you knew how to style your hair like all the other girls... Look up YouTube videos with tutorials and keep practicing the styles you like. Someone else has done the hard work for you, you just have to keep practicing. You'll eventually get it.

The list can truly go on and on here people!

Everyone deserves to be happy, both in life and about themselves.

It's time to stop the "what-ifs" and the "I wish I could". It's time to turn them into "it happened" and "I did it".

Embrace who you are. Take the time to better who you are as a person. Find your passion and go after it. Put in the work. Get back up and push through after every time you're knocked down.

I hope anyone that reads this has a little extra pep in their step now. Don't be afraid to go after your goals. Know that you'll always have me cheering you on and believing in you!

Boston

Oh how this city has a newfound place in my heart.

If you don't follow me on Facebook, then you aren't aware that the first weekend in August, Josh and I traveled to Boston!

For Christmas he'd told me we'd be visiting Boston at the end of this summer so that I could attend Patriots training camp. I'm a die-hard Patriots fan so I was ecstatic. The beginning of July, training camp dates were released, so we booked our hotel.

We woke up at 5am Friday morning and were on the road by 6.

It didn't seem like it took 6 hours but at about noon we arrived in Hingham, MA. We decided that we'd take a little detour and visit Wahlburgers on our way up. If you haven't heard of Wahlburgers, here's a little background. Mark Wahlberg, Donnie Wahlberg, ever heard of them? Yeah, well they have a brother, Paul, who is a chef. The three of them started this restaurant and even have a TV show about it. (Now back to the regularly scheduled program, my trip.) The restaurant was close to the water front and despite the popularity we didn't have that long of a wait. We sat at the bar and each ordered an "Our Burger" with a side of fries and onion rings. The atmosphere of the place was fun. The food was phenomenal. Paul is there every day but was across the street while we were there. I did, however, get to meet Mama Wahlberg (Alma)! Such a sweet lady and you could see the joy she gets by seeing so many people enjoy her family's place. She was more than happy to take pictures with anyone that wanted.

After Wahlburgers, we headed to check in to our hotel. After weaving our way down side streets, avoiding potholes, people in the street and taxis, we pulled up to a beautiful building, the Omni Parker House Hotel. If you haven't heard of this hotel before, it's absolutely amazing. I was so glad we found an amazing deal to be able to stay here. The history and design of the place intrigued both of us. Founded by Harvey D. Parker in 1855, the Omni Parker House is the oldest of Boston's elegant inns and the longest continuously operating hotel in the United States. The hotel was home to the Saturday Club, which met on the third Saturday of every month except in summer. It included literary luminaries such as Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr., and John Lothrop Motley. Charles Dickens resided in the Parker House for five months in 1867-68 in his own apartments and first recited and performed "A Christmas Carol" at the Saturday Club at the Parker House. Generations of local and national politicians - including Ulysses S. Grant, James Michael Curley, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, John F. Kennedy, Colin Powell, William Jefferson Clinton, and Deval Patrick - assembled for private meetings, press conferences, and power breakfasts. JFK actually proposed to Jackie in the hotel's restaurant and later had his bachelor party there. The Omni Parker House kitchen is also one that's made history books. Their bakers and cooks invented the famed Parker House Roll and perfected the Boston Cream Pie. Their kitchen and wait-staff has included greats like Emeril Lagasse, Malcolm X, and Ho Chi Minh.

Friday afternoon and evening we spent exploring. We visited the first few stops of the Freedom Trail and then made our way to the Seaport World Trade Center. We didn't realize it until we got to Boston, but Comic Con was happening. We're both geeks at heart so it was cool to see all things comic book. Friday night we made our way to a pub right down the street from our hotel called Beantown Pub. We fell in love with the place. During dinner we overheard one of the bartenders explain that this was the only place in the world where you could drink a cold Sam Adams while looking at a cold Sam Adams (he's buried in a cemetery across the street). Of course we ordered a Sam Adams right after we heard this. The staff was awesome and treated us like we were locals that came in regularly. We met an awesome guy named Sean who we hung out with the remainder of the evening. The place was so great and we had so much fun that we returned there Saturday night too (I'll get to that later).

Saturday morning we allowed ourselves to sleep in (a little) and then grabbed a quick breakfast and started our trek to Foxborough, MA, home of Gillette Stadium and the New England Patriots. I could not stop freaking out as we arrived. I couldn't get over how big it was and the fact that I was there. Despite controversies, scandals, and suspensions, this is my team. To actually be there and see these players, in-person, and have Tom Brady be five feet away from me at one point, it was awesome. I did some shopping and got some shirts to remember the occasion, after all this was the whole point of going to Boston (or so I thought. I'll explain I promise). It was such an amazing gift from Josh. I could not stop saying thank you the entire time. And for being an Eagles fan, he did really well with not making too much fun of the Patriots while we were there.

Once we arrived back to the hotel we figured it'd be smart to make a game plan for the rest of the night. We knew there was still a lot we wanted to see of the city so we scheduled a Trolley tour. These things were awesome. You bought your ticket for the day and it had a total of  20 stops. You didn't have to continually ride, you could get off and on at any of the stops. We were able to see so much in such a short amount of time. It was cheaper than a taxi, wasn't as tiring as walking, and we even got to hear great narratives and facts of the things we passed. We saw MIT, Cheers, Fenway Park, the Observation Deck at the Prudential Building, Berklee College of Music, and so much more. We exited the tour for the evening at Stop 1, which was right by the aquarium and the Boston Harbor Cruises. Through the Boston Harbor Cruises, we'd signed up to take a sunset cruise. At 6:30 we boarded the boat and at 7 we were off. It was such an informational ride with such great views. We truly hadn't realized how much of Boston is man-made until we saw it from the water. The sunset was gorgeous over the city. We even got to ride by the naval yard at sunset for taps and a cannon firing. It was a relaxing and enjoyable ride. I was able to capture tons of photos too.

We arrived back at the pier at the end of our sunset tour and Josh suggested we walk to the end to get a few more pictures before heading to dinner. I wasn't complaining at all. Photography is one of my hobbies and I always enjoy getting more pictures of the two of us. There was a great spot at the end of the pier right under the flag pole that had a spotlight. It was just enough light to be seen without ruining the city lit up behind us. Josh didn't want us to do selfies so luckily we found a kind lady who was willing to take them. She got a few regular shots of us and then Josh turned to face me. He got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. I was in complete shock. People want to know if I had any idea it was going to happen and the answer is simply no. I truly thought it was just my Christmas trip, I had no idea he had had all this planned too. Tears started running down my face the moment I saw him drop to one knee. I was speechless. In fact, it wasn't until he stood up after putting the ring on my hand that I'd realized I hadn't said yes. I quickly said yes and could not stop hugging him. I'm so grateful to the lady who took all the pictures. I'm so happy that I have that moment captured. In that moment, my life changed forever. From the moment I met Josh, I knew he was different from everyone else. I could not be more excited to spend forever with him. (I love you handsome!)

(The flagpole which Josh proposed under)

We started making our way back to the hotel and I was in freakout mode the entire time. It's that moment where you really can't believe what just took place. I kept staring at my hand and people probably thought I was crazy with the gigantic smile I had on my face. I got to call my best friend and share the news (I think it was a mixture of screaming and crying). I don't think it'd hit me on the pier that I was engaged. Telling someone though made it pretty real. I had a fiance and there was a ring on my hand.

The rest of the night was great. We did dinner at Hard Rock Cafe (we try to visit them in each city we visit). I stared at my hand A LOT. Josh made fun of me for staring at it a lot. We went back to Beantown Pub to celebrate because little did I know, Josh had shared his news the night before. We were welcomed with open arms and free drinks. They made it feel like we were home and celebrating with close friends instead of 6 hours away. Sean (guy we met the night before) was there again and he kept reminding us that last night we were just boyfriend and girlfriend but tonight we were fiances. It was awesome! Josh and I were both exhausted from such a busy day but the adrenaline and excitement of everything kept us out way past midnight.

While I crashed hard when I hit the bed, the excitement later got the best of me. I was wide awake at 7:30am. While Josh soundly slept next to me, I saw the sparkle on my finger and was reminded of everything from the night before. I laid there, thinking of how lucky I am to have found this amazing man. We now have a wedding to plan. We have a future to plan together. He's officially my forever and always.

After breakfast we hit the road home. The General Manager of our hotel even sent us off with a parting and celebratory gift, a miniature Boston Cream Pie. He told us it was an early slice of wedding cake. One thing is for certain, Boston turned out to be so much more than I expected. On its own, it really is a great city and I recommend visiting if you ever have the opportunity. With the memories I now have there, it's probably top of my list. It holds a particularly special place in my heart. It was "wicked awesome" as Josh would say.

Now, we have a wedding to plan!!! :)

Founded by Harvey D. Parker in 1855, the Omni Parker House is the oldest of Boston’s elegant inns and the longest continuously operating hotel in the United States. It was here where the brightest lights of America’s Golden Age of Literature—writers like Emerson, Thoreau, Hawthorne, and Longfellow— regularly met for conversation and conviviality in the legendary nineteenth-century Saturday Club. It was here where baseball greats like Babe Ruth, Ted Williams, and David Ortiz wined, dined, and unwound. And it was here, too, where generations of local and national politicians—including Ulysses S. Grant, James Michael Curley, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, John F. Kennedy, Colin Powell, Thomas “Tip” O’Neill, William Jefferson Clinton, and Deval Patrick—assembled for private meetings, press conferences, and power breakfasts. - See more at: http://www.omnihotels.com/hotels/boston-parker-house/property-details/history#sthash.HFJePpdf.dpuf

Founded by Harvey D. Parker in 1855, the Omni Parker House is the oldest of Boston’s elegant inns and the longest continuously operating hotel in the United States. It was here where the brightest lights of America’s Golden Age of Literature—writers like Emerson, Thoreau, Hawthorne, and Longfellow— regularly met for conversation and conviviality in the legendary nineteenth-century Saturday Club. It was here where baseball greats like Babe Ruth, Ted Williams, and David Ortiz wined, dined, and unwound. And it was here, too, where generations of local and national politicians—including Ulysses S. Grant, James Michael Curley, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, John F. Kennedy, Colin Powell, Thomas “Tip” O’Neill, William Jefferson Clinton, and Deval Patrick—assembled for private meetings, press conferences, and power breakfasts. - See more at: http://www.omnihotels.com/hotels/boston-parker-house/property-details/history#sthash.HFJePpdf.dpuf

Mother's Day

Today is Mother's Day. My Mom has been working all day and before I see her this evening I wanted to put something together that is just for her.

I saw something recently online that felt appropriate with Mother's Day approaching. It said:

Age 10: I love you, Mom!

Age 14: My mom is so annoying!

Age 18: I want to leave this house.

Age 25: Mom, you were right.

Age 30: Mom, forgive me?

Age 50: I don't want to lose my mom.

Age 70: Mom, I love you so much!

While I haven't reached each of these ages I know that my mom and I have gone through some of these different stages already. Growing up, Mom was the one I always turned to. We did everything together. I wanted to be so much like her that my first pair of glasses were red because "my mom has red glasses". I wanted to be a teacher because Mom was. We spent weekends at the beach soaking up the sun during the summers. During the winter she was taking me up to the Poconos so that I could ski with the other family members. She was my girl scout leader and taught me things that I'll be able to use the rest of my life. She stayed up to ridiculous hours of the night helping me to finish projects because I was a complete procrastinator. She supported me in everything I did and made a real effort to be a part of the things I was involved in. 

As I've gotten older, there have been some bumps in the road though. I didn't have any siblings and Mom was usually the one I'd end up fighting with instead of that sibling. There have been times when I've felt she's been too nosy or strict. We've butted heads on some major things in life. She's never stopped loving me though, even if she didn't agree with a decision I was making.

She's held me when I've cried after breakups. She's let me make decisions and learn from them instead of insisting on doing it her way. She's pushed me out of my comfort zone in different ways. She was the one who pushed me to live on campus my freshman year of college even though I was so against it. That turned out to be one of the best and worst years of my life. She's the one who patiently waited and caught me when I fell with my depression and eating disorder. She's bitten her tongue more than a few times when it comes to saying "I told ya so". She's comforted and cared for me when I'm sick. And still even at almost 24 years old, my mom is who I want when I'm puking at 3am. I get my craftiness from my mom. I've never known someone who has a natural artistic ability  the way she does. I'm excited to say she's helped me learn how to make a quilt. She designed more than a few dresses for me too. She was known as Mom Reed by all of my friends growing up. They all thought she was cool. She knew the words to "Low" and what apple bottom jeans were. They wanted to call her when in a car accident instead of their own parents. (That actually happened). Mom has stood up for me numerous times. I was bullied in school and faced some not so great situations. She made sure the situations were addressed and I didn't get pushed around anymore. She's taught me how to be a thrift shopper and taking advantage of a good deal. She wouldn't admit it but I think I got my shopping obsession from her. She's always told me the importance of following my gut. When I spilled my guts about Josh to her, she was the one who said follow what you're feeling, you're feeling it for a reason. Mom usually takes more on her plate than she's up for. She works two part time jobs that are both physically demanding but she still does it. She volunteers for many groups and organizations and rarely has time to do anything for herself. Like her own mom, she doesn't know how to say no to people. She constantly wants to help others in whatever way she can.

I think Mom is the reason why I've always had the desire to be a Mom. I don't think it's something I need to go into too much detail about. I just think I've seen how much she's done for me and provided me and I want to be able to provide that to my own children. I've come too close to losing Mom
too many times. She's faced some scary health issues over the years and it's been hard to watch her face them. She's stronger than people know.

It's been hard on her that I'm not living at home anymore. She doesn't see me as much and we don't talk as often as we used to. It's a part of growing up that's taking her some serious getting used to. I'm still around Mom, don't ever forget that.

I just want to take the time to say thank you, for everything you've always done for me. Sure, I didn't always understand at the time where you were coming from. As I get older I'm starting to have a better understanding of it all though. I love you more than words can express. You will always be my best friend. "Loves you me"

I'd also like to take the time to send a special Happy Mother's Day to Josh's mom. I've had the privilege of getting to know her this past year and she's an amazing woman. She's strong and caring. She's faced some difficult times this year but has continued to hold her head high and be the bigger person. She's also become a grandmother. The way I see her with her granddaughter makes me think of the way she probably was with each of her kids. You did an amazing job raising all three of them. Thank you for becoming like a mom to me too :)

To all Moms out there, Happy Mother's Day! You all are amazing!

Another Step

Ladies and Gentleman....I bought my first car.

For those of you who already knew this fun fact, please relive this reality with me. I've still been in shock about the whole ordeal.

Is this real life? Was it all a dream? Pinch me to make sure.

My Mother told me it was my first big girl purchase. My Dad was thoroughly impressed with my negotiation skills. I honestly could not be happier with the whole thing. I truly feel like I've won. Give me a month though, my opinion might change once that first bill comes. (Just kidding)

As happy as I am now, I could not believe how stressed out the whole thing made me. I didn't actually think I'd be buying a car right now. Yes, I was in the market but I thought I had about 3-6 months till it'd actually happen. When my father called me on a Friday and started telling me he'd visited a dealership, I realized this would be happening sooner than I thought.

Just a small side note...this push from my father was not out of line. I trust my Dad 100% when it comes to cars. He worked for General Motors for 31.5 years, he knows his way around them. He's also probably the most financially responsible person I know. His opinion mattered the most to me in this whole process. I knew he wouldn't steer me in the wrong direction, not just because he's my Dad, but because he's knowledgeable about the whole thing. He knew I was ready to take this step.

I met him that Friday afternoon and we went to look at some Used vehicles. I liked what I saw but I wanted to see what my options were on the New side too. Saturday the whole family joined me and in all honesty, I just became more confused than ever.

There were so many options to choose from that I had no idea what to pick. Everyone was giving their opinion, so many numbers were thrown at me, and I'm pretty sure my eyes rolled to the back of my head because I couldn't process it all. I actually cried on the way home. I had no idea what I was supposed to do. It felt like a huge decision and the last thing I wanted was to make the wrong choice. It's a lot of money we're talking about spending here.

Luckily, Josh was able to calm me down. He explained that it wasn't a matter of making the wrong choice. I'd be happy with whatever I got. It was just a matter of do I end up with the top of the line or one with a little less bells and whistles. Either way, I'd be getting the car I really wanted. It also wasn't my job to sell the car. The dealer is supposed to work for me and give me what I want. If they don't, there's no deal and I move on to the next.

I had my eye on the first Used one I looked at. The number of miles on it were in a range that I was comfortable with, but the price was a little high. The only thing I wasn't a fan of was the color. Color can grow on you though and worse come to worse, you repaint it. I decided that on Monday, Dad and I would go and talk to the dealer and see what came of it.

Two hours later and I was walking out with the keys to my new car. Yes, it's used but it's in brand new condition and it's new to me. It's exciting and a big step in life! Sure, there's car payments and my insurance will likely go up but I've worked really hard to be able to get to this point. Deciding to get a new car wasn't something I decided overnight. I'd been thinking about this for a good 2 years, the time just wasn't right before. I wasn't making enough money to where I'd be comfortable with the payments. I'd likely still be able to make them, but it'd keep my bank account pretty tight. Now I can make them, on top of my other expenses, and still have enough to go into savings and have fun every now and then.

I've learned a lot out of this whole process. Firstly, don't freak out and become overwhelmed. It's not worth it. Game plans are great and it's good to do your research but don't beat a dead horse by continually going over it. Also, if you're going to spend the money, get something you really like and want. Obviously I didn't need all the bells and whistles I got with this car, but boy oh boy have I been enjoying them. Heated seats first thing in the morning, Pandora right on the screen, keyless entry, great gas mileage.

Can you tell it's awesome?

Anyone wanna go for a drive? :)

NED Awareness Week

I feel this post is appropriate, seeing as it's National Eating Disorder Awareness Week.

What most people don't know is that I've personally struggled with an eating disorder.

It's not something I usually share with people. It's not on my list of fun facts when introducing myself. Can you imagine..."Hello, my name is Emily and I had an eating disorder". That's a sure way to make people feel uncomfortable. It happened though and while it doesn't define me or the kind of person I am, it was a part of my life. It's something that if I'm not careful, always has a possibility of coming back.

Over the last few weeks I've had this realization that it's okay to share personal struggles with others. For some people they'll be able to relate because they too have been in your shoes. For some, they get to learn about something they may know nothing about. We usually hear about struggles like this when celebrities come out and share their stories. It's different though when you actually know the person. You realize just how real these diseases are. That's exactly what an eating disorder is...a disease.

So, here is my story...

I was a freshman in college and life was anything but grand. It just felt like things were piling up on my plate. I was struggling in all my classes even though I was studying and doing schoolwork 24/7. It was eye opening because I'd been an A-B student my entire life. I couldn't understand why now I was struggling to even hold C's. I'd been in a serious relationship and it came to an end shortly after Valentine's Day. Not only did I lose my boyfriend but also a best friend. And to top it off, a girl from my past decided it was time to start bullying me once again. I was stressed. I was overwhelmed. They say your college years are the best years of your life. It felt like the complete opposite for me. I felt I couldn't control anything that was going on so I found something I could.

I could control how much I ate.

I starved myself. I wouldn't eat anything. In fact, I don't think I ate anything for a solid two weeks. I'd drink water here and there but that was about it. I remember being home one weekend and we were prepping our camper to be sold. I laid down on one of the beds and almost passed out because my sugar was so low. My mom shoved applesauce down my throat so that something would be in my stomach. My parents threatened me that if I didn't start eating they'd take me to the hospital. Since I refused to go to the hospital, because that would mean getting help, I started eating a little. Meals consisted of a handful of cheerios. My body rejected them at first. I hadn't had anything for so long that I got sick without even trying. After continually giving myself cheerios for a bit though, my body finally accepted them. It was then that I made myself puke for the first time. I guess I thought that I had lost control again of how much I could eat. So if I was going to be forced to eat, I could at least control this afterwards. Things stayed like this for a few weeks. It was a mixture of starving myself when no one could tell me not to, to getting rid of what I ate shortly after. I knew my parents were aware something was going on. My roommate too. They never intruded though. You can't push people when they're like this because it would have only made things worse. I had to want to help myself in order for things to change and improve.

That day came sooner than I ever thought it would.

I had been in class and it was time for me to walk back to my dorm. I barely made it out of Gore Hall before I felt like I was going to pass out. Luckily my mom worked on campus so I called her and asked for a ride, saying I was sick and too weak to walk. The car ride was silent. Neither one of us talked. I knew she wanted to say something but how can you when you don't want to send me into an even farther downward spiral. I was too stubborn to admit what was going on. By the time we got to my dorm though, I'd scared myself enough to know I needed help. I remember vividly just turning to her and saying, "Mom, I need help. I'm not okay. I haven't been okay for quite a while".

She took me to the school's medical center and they filled me with Gatorade so my sugar levels would increase. After my vitals improved I was taken over to the counseling department. There I met Dr. Hollingsworth. For at least 2 weeks I met with her almost daily. We talked about everything that had been going on in my life and why this was the path I chose to take. You feel crazy at first seeing a counselor but it was honestly the best thing that could have happened.

I stopped my eating disorder cold turkey. Something is different once people know for sure what you're doing. You feel ashamed and embarrassed. There was no way I could continue now that it was out in the open. I didn't eat huge meals at first but that was because my body had to adjust to having them again. My mental state of mind improved over time as well. I worked on myself. I learned how to cope and focus on the good things in life that I could control. When I started the road to recovery my doctor described that the time would feel like a roller coaster. You'd have good days and you'd have bad ones. They'd start off extreme and frequent. But, the longer I'd ride the ride, then the less extreme everything would feel. Eventually it'd all even out. Her analogy was spot on.

I had a support system around me that I will never be able to thank enough. My parents were amazing. I'd scared the living daylights out of them but they cheered me on more than anyone as I recovered. Through counseling I found a way to share with them my struggles at school. We found that more was going on than we knew and I needed to get tested for ADD. My best friend and roommate was my rock. Every day she helped me to get up and face the world. She never looked at me differently or judged. She was amazing for having only known me for 8 months. She helped me to have fun and let go every once in a while. We worked on school together. She promised to be by my side through it all. I can say that 6 years later that still holds true. She's been there for me through every good thing and bad thing that has occurred since we met. She is my best friend.

While I haven't had a relapse since, it doesn't mean it isn't possible. I often have to keep myself in check when I get extremely overwhelmed or stressed. It's the easiest to go back to things like this during those times. There are also certain things that I cannot do. When some people don't feel well, they know they just have to make themselves puke so it gets out of their system. This is something I can never do. While it has good intentions, it could still be a trigger. I'm not willing to take the risk to find out if it is one or not.

If you find out someone is struggling with something like this, don't judge them. You never know what it is that has pushed them over the edge to be at this point. We live in a world where image is everything. You have to be a certain size or a certain shape. What's really important is that we love ourselves the way that we are. It's important to be healthy, both physically and mentally.

To anyone who is going through something like this currently, You're not alone. There are people who have been exactly where you are. They know how you feel and what you're experiencing. There's help out there, you just have to ask for it. No one would have predicted that I'd be the one to suffer from something like this, but it happened. It can happen to anyone.